Still here and still following Dr. Amen's methodology, which includes living in the moment, exercise, diet, gratitude and positive thought. I am my own experiment - a coach now practicing what I preach - a true test as to whether this stuff works and embellishes one's life. As I prepare for my visit to the surgeon, I am going strong. I have found that a part of this journey, when I am in the moment, reveals so many miracles and even greater lessons. Because I am a private person, the well wishes, and support are at once welcome and overwhelming. Their enthusiasm is heart felt, however because of my new vulnerability, are confusing, too "loud", and a bit controlling (a real fire alarm for me). These folks who are bravely living their lives in alternative ways are very knowledgeable regarding all sorts of holistic methods and live their beliefs. I, too, am living my belief, no apologies, no deviations - it works for me. None of them has actually had cancer, they just knew people that had cancer and have been healed or are still "kickin'". It is a private journey for all of us. I love all of you dearly, and respect you. Please respect me. And please know that your belief and enthusiasm were also gifts for me. Gifts that let me know that I was worthy of your love and support, gifts that perfect strangers bestowed on me (consciously or unconsciously), and gifts from this universe. The colors are more vibrant, the food more tasty and the textures more interesting.
As I get days closer to the surgery I am feeling very uncomfortable and fearful. That makes me feel like a failure. If I am living in the moment, why am I anxious. Then something came to me about the primitive part of my brain. Someone will be coming to you, as you lay down unconscious, and will be cutting you with some very sharp instruments. I believe that would cause any primitive man to get up and run. So, that was a gift as well, to recognize it and deal logically with it. Another wonderful thing that was suggested to me by a friend, ask the surgery group to pause for one minute in silence before they conduct the actual surgery. I requested that and found out that this is now a common practice among good hospitals. How elevated is that!!!! I want to thank my surgeon, who was at the top of his game and yet very humble, and his staff, who were professional and warm and funny, and all the staff that surrounded them. They were extremely well trained and had heart consciousness as well. I was amazed to see people like that gathered in one place. And, again, perhaps they were not conscious of being conscious/practicing consciousness.
One more thing, as I was coming out of the anesthesia, I had a dream/vision, that I was now a brand new person. It was amazing and I do not fully understand it, but I have found some "markers" from that time until the present that indicate that. Those of you out there who can shed light on this please tell me. I want to hear from you.
Continuing to heal......